June 27, 2008
Sleepless night last night …. I really have to get rid of the cat …. It’s affecting my health already …. Affecting my behavior and emotions as well ….. I’ve done what I can about taking care of that cat …… compassion sometimes can get one into trouble… late again this morning by 2 minutes ……trying to beat the traffic and commute … I want to work without these stupid bundy cards ….I want to work without any bundy card breathing down on my neck … stupid , stupid bundy cards and ugly stupid uniforms … because of them , I don’t feel like going to the office and working my ass off and heart out …. I’m totally turned-around as far as this government service and serving the people stuff …… that’s part of ‘lessons learned’ …. Enough already ……. I’ve done my part …. And I must go about doing the work that I was born to do ( which I’ve realized a long time ago is not the current job), without this office bureaucracy ek-ek that doesn’t help me to get motivated and just dashed my stupid youthful idealism to pieces … I’m beginning to be grateful that I have lost my naive idealism …
I know I should be writing my gratitude journal instead, but I just want to get this
Stress out of my system …. Maybe I’ll take my breakfast first, baka gutom lang ito…..Several minutes later ….. eating breakfast did help , a bit , but the feeling is still TGIF…. After twenty-seven years in the same environment , what do I expect?
I need a major dose of adrenalin rush to get me out of here and have a ‘God Bless it’ life !!!!!!!! For heaven’s sakes, where is that major lotto win that will catapult me out of here and spend my retirement years in Europe ??!!!!
I know what ? I’m going to have this file open throughout the day and jot down whatever comes to mind during the day , jot down my reactions to events during the day …. Who knows / I might be able to use these morning, even day pages as germ fodder for a great novel , fiction or non , later on in my dotage ?
Anyways, I don’t want to forget my gratitude litany …
Father God, Thank You for providing for my needs during the day- food, water, air, work to do, clothes to wear , money for fare (perhaps later on when the fuel crisis is over and is eco-friendly, my dreams car. Thank You for NGP and my family ..Thank You for the trees, the grass, the flowers and everything in nature that makes the world a better place to live in ….Thank You that I’m going to Europe and stay there for five years maybe and soak up the history and culture and art , after my retirement …. Thank You that I will be able to build my dream house and my dream business where I could use the core gifts that You have given me, for Your glory …. Thank You, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ ….
It’s now midday and it’s piping hot …. Electricity has been on and off … and have not been able to work , at least try to work , the rest of the morning… I think I’m going to stop right here …. I figger the afternoon is going to be just like the AM. Let’s see , today has been 95% like yesterday and the day before , another ground-hog day of sunrise and sunset , of breakfast-lunch-dinner , of going to the office and back . I suppose one must appreciate and be thankful for the recurrent rhythm and pattern of the days for stability’s sake , but then again stability , too much of it can be stagnant and deadening ….
Anyways , it’s five o’clock and I’m calling it a day , once again ….Thank You God for the day ….
Signing off now …
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